It’s my birthday

“It’s your Birthday! Have a nice day!”

Am I required to have a nice day on my birthday? Am I not allowed to be sad? If yes, then I should be feeling happy right now. I shouldn’t be feeling empty. How to be happy? Can you consider yourself happy when you’re laughing out loud with friends but deep inside your heart there’s a void feeling that you’re too desperate to fill?

I just wanted to be happy on my birthday. And they said “Happiness is a choice” and I guess they are right. I do have a choice on how will I spend the rest of my day but I chose to spend it feeling empty and I hate myself for that.

I remembered this line from a song upon seeing this: "A penny for my thoughts, oh no. I'll sell them for a dollar. They're worth so much more after I'm a goner. And maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing, funny when you're dead how people start listening.."
I remembered this line from a song upon seeing this: “A penny for my thoughts, oh no. I’ll sell them for a dollar. They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner. And maybe then you’ll hear the words I’ve been singing, funny when you’re dead how people start listening..”

 I feel so selfish for feeling like this when other people have it worse. But can you really blame me for feeling like never good enough? For feeling like no one really cares? Sometimes I just want to disappear and see if someone will actually notice.

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