10/13/17

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Forgive me
If I ran out of papers,
trying to beautify all the words that I want to offer
If I ran out of ink,
trying to write down all the reasons why this heart beats for your soul, but realized there’s no really a reason why, just my heart and I.
If I ran out of words and letters,
trying to keep myself from spilling it all out. Silencing every loud scream of my heart who calls for your name cause it has a penchant for pain.
If I ran out of everything for trying so hard to keep you

But remember this,
I may have nothing to offer you. No papers scented with flowery words, and no poetries with perfect rhymes and profound meanings. But let me tell you that you deserve all the poetries that my eyes have casted upon. You deserve every single one that has marked through my heart because just like poetries, you make me feel alive.2017-09-27 05.52.11 1.jpg

My first kiss. 09/24/2017

I am writing this in detail because I want to remember every single moment of it. So it was a chilly night, we were watching a pageant on the event hall of a hotel, and my long time crush and I were sitting beside each other.  Suddenly, he asked me to come with him and go back to our hotel rooms because he wants to get his phone. So in ou hotel room, it was just the both of us. He lied on the bed and I was sitting on the other side. He came close beside me and told me he was cold. I handed him a blanket and he told me he’s still feeling cold so he grabbed me in the arms and told me that he wanted to hug me. And then next thing I knew, we were cuddling. It all happened so fast yet so slow that I didn’t notice when he started kissing me.

To the girl who breaks the hurt of the guy I love

To the girl who breaks the heart of the guy I love,

I don’t understand why I’m wasting an ample amount of time writing about you. All I know is that all my insecurities and self-doubts formed this wall of motivation to finally write my feelings out. For him, you were once the prettiest, you were once his world. And for a while, you owned his heart and mind. But you were nothing more than just the tiniest flicker of hope in a lonely night that he’s trying to hold on to, for you’ve always belonged to someone else. You belong to someone else and you complete each other while he’s trying to pick up his broken pieces trying to forget about you. And here I am, forcing myself in a love triangle with one dead side. Here I am, writing him sweet thoughts, singing him sad songs, hurting for him, secretly; for I am just his friend. A friend who’s willing to give him more than what he deserve. So please, before you claim to like him, before you go around telling everyone how much you adore him, before you go asking him how he’s feeling just because you are very much concerned about him, please think of me. Think of my unrequited feelings for him and his almost-requited feelings for you. Think about your guy and how lucky you are that you found each other while others are struggling for some affection. Think about the chances we could’ve had but wasted from forgetting you.

I always think of a hundred ways to replace you in his heart but you always come back with your way and it shakes off my whole world. I want to look at him without the ache in my heart just because you still own a piece of him. Please stop giving him vain hope of you being together and let me have my chance with him too. Let me prove myself and love him in the most unconditional way possible. Let me make him smile, for his smile is the best damn thing in the world. Let me tell him how much our music match and how I love the TV shows he watch, and that I’ve found my soulmate in him. His every move makes my heart falter and I know I’m doomed. He’s not perfect but he need not be for I love his flaws more than his beauties.

Please set him free. Please give him the peace his heart deserves. I no longer want to waste more time thinking about possibilities. I want to make him feel loved without guilt. I know in my heart that we are meant to be together and that we are connected in every single way. So for the last time, please stay away from him and give me more time to heal him.

1/11/16

And it hurts a lot when you say her name,

it hurts I couldn’t even keep sane..

it hurts how unfair it all seems to be

when will you have your eyes on me?

 

It hurts when I see you hurting because of her

it hurts when I see you smile over her

it hurts to feel like a nobody compared to that girl

when I am willing to be by your side forever.

 

It hurts that you just take me for granted

to get everything you wanted

for I’m just another friend to you

and she’s just everything you need..

 

 

It hurts. It hurts a lot.