What keeps me awake


i think it’s a bit unfair how the universe allowed you to meet her first.
now all i do is sit and mope cause the thought that i wasn’t the only girl you’ve fallen for breaks my soul.
when i see her all i see is you and the memories you’ve shared, the promises you’ve made, the songs you’ve listened to, and all the days you’ve spent together.
all i see is the girl whom you have loved first with all your heart before your mind even knows what love really is.
the girl who first planted flowers to your soul, who nurtured them and brought butterflies in your guts
the first girl whom you’ve thought spending a lifetime with.
the first girl who broke your heart and gave you tears.
i sometimes lay at night thinking all about her and how your love started that one summer and thought it would last forever.
but then i realized that while she came before me, there really must be a reason why she never stayed; it’s for you and me to finally have our chance on this lifetime.
it’s for me to plant you a garden and for us to walk hand in hand on it together, for us to dance to silly songs and jam on our favorite bands along

for you to hear the poems and letters that i wrote 

it’s for you to finally fulfill your promise of a lifetime for the girl whose love will truly last forever.. 


Forgive me
If I ran out of papers,
trying to beautify all the words that I want to offer
If I ran out of ink,
trying to write down all the reasons why this heart beats for your soul, but realized there’s no really a reason why, just my heart and I.
If I ran out of words and letters,
trying to keep myself from spilling it all out. Silencing every loud scream of my heart who calls for your name cause it has a penchant for pain.
If I ran out of everything for trying so hard to keep you

But remember this,
I may have nothing to offer you. No papers scented with flowery words, and no poetries with perfect rhymes and profound meanings. But let me tell you that you deserve all the poetries that my eyes have casted upon. You deserve every single one that has marked through my heart because just like poetries, you make me feel alive.2017-09-27 05.52.11 1.jpg

And it hurts a lot when you say her name,

it hurts I couldn’t even keep sane..

it hurts how unfair it all seems to be

when will you have your eyes on me?


It hurts when I see you hurting because of her

it hurts when I see you smile over her

it hurts to feel like a nobody compared to that girl

when I am willing to be by your side forever.


It hurts that you just take me for granted

to get everything you wanted

for I’m just another friend to you

and she’s just everything you need..



It hurts. It hurts a lot.

It’s dark inside


I’ve tried so hard to hide the emptiness I’ve been feeling inside

Masked myself with a smile, that everyone seems to buy..

You haven’t seen the real me if you haven’t seen my scars,

You don’t know me at all if you don’t know that I’m on the edge of a cliff and been longing to fall

You can’t call me beautiful if you haven’t seen the way I stare at another girl with a flicker of jealousy in my eyes

You can’t tell me that my eyes shine like stars if you haven’t seen my tear-stained pillows at night

You can’t tell me how smart I am if you haven’t seen how desperate I look in class

Outside I may look happy but deep inside of me is a ball of depression, insecurities and anxiety created by the demons in my head.

The Painting

photo not mine
photo not mine

A drop of water dripped through the roof,
And landed on her eyes below;
On the eyes of a woman-a beautiful, young woman,
Who had been crying since ages ago.
But no one could feel her, caress her, or heal her,
Or cry with her in her pain:
Because her eyes were just oil, dipped in white canvas
And she was just a painting, and it was beginning to rain.

This poem’s not mine but I think it’s beautiful. It was written by someone I’ve talked to (online) before.

Two Artists

Photo not mine
Photo not mine

She’s a writer

He’s a painter.

He believes the galaxy is her

She never believed in happy ever after;

He believes in the kindness inside her

She never believed in herself;

He painted the stars in her eyes

While she wrote him a story of lies;

He saw her as a masterpiece

She thinks he’s too good for her

She tried to push him away

harsh words she would say

Until one day

The painter met a fairer maiden

Kindness and elegance she effortlessly portrays

She let him draw her using brush of cares and paints of laughters

As their world draws closer

The loneliness grew on the heart of the writer

She never thought it would be as resentful

She sees how the maiden love the painter

She sees how the painter draws the entire universe just for her

She never wanted to ruin it

A love that was supposed to be hers

A romance of two of hearts

A story of her own solitary

A once upon a time for the two artists

And a happily ever after for the painter and the maiden

That was remorsely written by her

Hope and Darkness and the Girl

There was once a girl, who had a friend named Darkness

Following her wherever she goes

And making everything a mess

One day, she met Hope.

Darkness and Hope became her bestfriends

They go with her wherever she goes.

Darkness filled her with uncanny thoughts

Telling her she’s never good enough and that the world will be better off without her

Alongside with Darkness is Hope

Reminding her of her worth

Filling her minds with the light that was extinguished by Darkness.

She loved and hated both

Hope was always by her side whenever Darkness tries to empty her

Darkness was always by her side whenever Hope tries to fill her

There came a time that she needed to choose between the two

“Choose me, and you’ll never be sad again, I’ll empty everything out, I’ll end every suffering.” said Darkness

“Choose me, and I’ll light your path, I’ll let you feel again and I’ll give you a chance.” said Hope

The girl was torn

Between not feeling everything and having another chance

Convinced by the thought that whatever she choose wouldn’t matter

She pulled the trigger

And as she bleed

She saw Darkness slowly eating up Hope’s light

She remembered every moments Hope gave her

Every smile from a stranger

The loving caress from her mother

But it’s too late

Darkness has already won over her