My one and only

IMG_20180203_111004_090This is not a poetry. This is just me, my words, and my feelings.

Let me start this by telling you something about myself. I am a girl who loves the stars and the ocean. Stars make me wonder, seas make me alive. That night, I shed tears not because of the sheer beauty of the stars and seas combined but because at last, the boy sitting beside me is mine.

I am a girl who loves words and poetries. He told me he didn’t like poetries, so I’m not writing him any. Poetries are made up of heartbreaks, sadness and rhymes of misery. So instead, I am offering him my bare words because ever since he came into my life, he made me forget about poetries.

I’ve always looked up the skies and wondered in awe if how many stars are there in the universe, and how many constellations make up the entire galaxies, and realized that can’t compare with how much he makes me feel everything with my eyes closed.

I’ve always felt like drowning in the ocean and when I’m with him I feel like drowning and yet I never want to be saved because when I drown into him is the only time I feel so alive.

I’ve always been so curious about how many written poetries are there and how many words make up the dictionary. Probably endless, but all those words are still not enough to articulate my love for him.

You see, I am fascinated by deep, endless and infinite things in life just as how deeply, immensely and endlessly fascinated I am with you.

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02/05/17

Dear 2017.

The year has just started and yet here we are, trying to pick up our broken pieces together. Please, be good. Please, I know everthing will be okay and I hope. :((

To the girl who breaks the hurt of the guy I love

To the girl who breaks the heart of the guy I love,

I don’t understand why I’m wasting an ample amount of time writing about you. All I know is that all my insecurities and self-doubts formed this wall of motivation to finally write my feelings out. For him, you were once the prettiest, you were once his world. And for a while, you owned his heart and mind. But you were nothing more than just the tiniest flicker of hope in a lonely night that he’s trying to hold on to, for you’ve always belonged to someone else. You belong to someone else and you complete each other while he’s trying to pick up his broken pieces trying to forget about you. And here I am, forcing myself in a love triangle with one dead side. Here I am, writing him sweet thoughts, singing him sad songs, hurting for him, secretly; for I am just his friend. A friend who’s willing to give him more than what he deserve. So please, before you claim to like him, before you go around telling everyone how much you adore him, before you go asking him how he’s feeling just because you are very much concerned about him, please think of me. Think of my unrequited feelings for him and his almost-requited feelings for you. Think about your guy and how lucky you are that you found each other while others are struggling for some affection. Think about the chances we could’ve had but wasted from forgetting you.

I always think of a hundred ways to replace you in his heart but you always come back with your way and it shakes off my whole world. I want to look at him without the ache in my heart just because you still own a piece of him. Please stop giving him vain hope of you being together and let me have my chance with him too. Let me prove myself and love him in the most unconditional way possible. Let me make him smile, for his smile is the best damn thing in the world. Let me tell him how much our music match and how I love the TV shows he watch, and that I’ve found my soulmate in him. His every move makes my heart falter and I know I’m doomed. He’s not perfect but he need not be for I love his flaws more than his beauties.

Please set him free. Please give him the peace his heart deserves. I no longer want to waste more time thinking about possibilities. I want to make him feel loved without guilt. I know in my heart that we are meant to be together and that we are connected in every single way. So for the last time, please stay away from him and give me more time to heal him.

1/11/16